Hey,
Fall 2021 was one of the most humbling periods of my life.
Well, there was also the time I did not get into Harvard even though I built my whole identity around being a ‘star student’. But hey, in the end, I gave a TED talk and we moved onnnnnnn 😉
Fall 2021 is when I started studying at Minerva University. My school attracts (and intentionally selects/curates) a highly international group of students. In my class of about 180 students, 65 nationalities are represented. So yes, it’s an American university, but hardly any of the students are American.
All of my classmates have extraordinary stories. Which to be honest, was quite painful for my ego at the beginning. Most of the Minervans (as well as call ourselves) are humble and curious. So usually, you won’t hear people talk about their own accomplishments, yet they are very interested in other people’s track records.
Therefore, the following is a very common sequence of events:
Classmate says: ‘Oh my god Emma I watched your TED talk that is so amazing…..’
Emma’s ego is stroked.
Emma later finds out one way or another that this classmate in spoke to the UN at age 15 following her insanely successful documentary.
Emma’s ego gets a reality check.
Or:
Classmate says: ‘Oh my god Emma I saw you have a company - it looks so cool’
Emma’s ego is stroked.
Emma later finds out one way or another that this classmate in fact has already successfully sold 2 companies at age 18.
Emma’s ego gets a reality check.
Or:
Classmate says: ‘Oh my god Emma I really love the book you’ve co-created’
Emma’s ego is stroked.
Emma later finds out one way or another that this classmate has written and published 3 books herself.
Emma’s ego gets a reality check.
I would now love to say that being surrounded by people who are so young, yet so successful is only amazing - but that would be a lie. Because sometimes it can be very confronting. It has caused me to feel:
Like I had not done enough
Like I was not doing enough
Like it was silly of me to feel proud of the things I had done because there were people that had done twice the things that I had done (and they were four years younger!!!)
Jealous - and then very guilty and ashamed that I felt jealous because you are not supposed to be jealous of your friends.
And then more as I was anxiously trying to find out whether I was a bad person or not for feeling this pit in my stomach.
And I think this was all very healthy.
And I am not going to kid myself into thinking that I will never feel these things again. Because it’s human to feel things like these.
I love and hate Jordan Peterson. He feels like the guy in high school that you wanted to punch in the face and make out with at the same time.
Can’t stand him, can’t deny you’re interested.
Well - it’s not that I was planning on making out with Jordan Peterson. But I do end up in a Youtube rabbit hole of his videos sometimes. And then I call my best friend and reluctantly admit that Peterson kind of has a point sometimes. A little bit.
Something that I once picked up from Peterson’s videos is the idea that you should not think you are too good to feel some kind of emotion.
I think someday I decided that I found jealousy so ugly and shameful, that I was just never going to feel it. And I think many people have done the exact same thing. Jealousy is an emotion. Just like anger, sadness, and joy. However, I’ve never heard anyone be as quick to say ‘I’m not a joyful person’ or ‘I’m not an angry person’.
With jealousy, however - it’s all of a sudden a sign of moral superiority to say ‘I’m not a jealous person’. But it doesn’t work that way. Suppressing emotions only feeds them.
It’s not about never being jealous, it’s about regulating the emotion constructively. Meaning: be aware of your projections, still be a good friend, and learn from the feeling.
Being at Minerva and sometimes feeling jealous has taught me:
Most people are very unimpressed by their own accomplishments. No matter how cool others might think they are.
Most people feel jealous sometimes.
Most ‘child prodigies feel like huge imposters and think they never do enough.
It really helps to be vulnerable and talk about all of the above.
You think it might feel good to get a lot of applause for your work, but in the end, what feels a lot better is being surrounded by people that find you very normal.
And what feels the best is to - with those people - go beyond all these emotions and create, start and make stuff together.
May you be surrounded by people that make you jealous from time to time.
Have a great week,