Hey,
Thank you to all of you who took the time to reach out to me and share your opinions on my last newsletter. It’s truly rewarding to know that on the other end of the screen there are people not only skimming but truly thinking about what I write. In a world where there is SO much distraction, your attention is a true gift :)
So - back to dating your career this week. A famous cliche and wisdom in the world of dating is that any relationship with somebody else can only be as good as the one you have with yourself. Thus, the most important relationship to work on is the one between you and you. After all, you’re stuck with yourself for the rest of your life while lovers may come and go.
The times of staying with one person for your whole life are long gone. Well, of course, there are still many people who stay with their first romantic partner, but they are becoming the exception. At the same time, fewer and fewer people are getting married and more are getting divorced (source).
Most people are what sexologist and relationship expert Esther Perel calls serial monogamists. This means that most people will have more than one significant, long-term romantic relationship in their life.
I was listening to the podcast above by the Atlantic on starting a new career in midlife. The interviewee shared how she started her career as a writer well into her forties. And that got me thinking: just like we are likely to have multiple romantic partners, we are also likely to have multiple careers.
Your job title, tasks, and colleagues will change over time. What will remain however is your skills, knowledge, and your relationship with your professional self, or ‘work-you’.
No matter what kind of work you do, you will always be with yourself. So I think it pays to become the kind of professional you want to be. And to do so it helps to create rituals that support and sustain the relationship between you and ‘work-you’. Just like romantic relationships need dates and anniversaries and moments of reflection.
Here are some of the things that I think are important:
Building trust with yourself by doing what you said you were going to do. If needed with the help of an accountability buddy (lord knows the structure of my life is dependent on a network of accountability partners)
A partner that you can’t rely on sucks. Just like it sucks when you can’t truly rely on yourself.
Have dates with yourself for fun, such as celebrating milestones and work anniversaries. Although I could be a lot better doing this, I admire Vee Kativhu for how consistently she celebrates. Recommend following her for inspiration :)
This is what keeps the romance of your career going.
Have dates with yourself for maintenance, for example doing a weekly review of your calendar, to-do list, and unanswered emails to set yourself up for success.
The dating equivalent of - the idea of romance is all fun, but if you don’t make time to either be with yourself or with a partner - the love life you aspire to is just not happening.
Have dates with yourself for reflection. We spend so much of our time working that we can’t afford to waste our life away doing something that we don’t love. That doesn’t make us feel alive.
So, when are you taking work-you out? ;-)
Have a great weekend,